Life Goes On, and EVERYTHING Changes

After 12 years of being a stay-at-home mom, with all the joys and frustrations that it has brought, crises survived, and some of them averted, I have gone back to work.  Not entirely voluntarily, not entirely willingly, and not entirely satisfactorily, but I have done it.  And no one has died.  Yet.

It all started in the fall when the kids were back to school and I was mostly recuperated from my sinus surgery. I had applied without success to the local school districts as a special education TA, and at online tutoring and educational materials review companies.  No dice.  Twelve years out of the job market is a high hurdle to get over.  Not to mention that every Principal I ever worked for is retired and hard to contact.  So I went and applied for holiday retail jobs, both with online applications and in person.  I soon figured out that online works better, because they actually do contact you.  Soon enough I was hired by both Kohl's department store, and by Payless ShoeSource, where I had worked for a year or so, over a decade ago.  Did I intend to have two jobs?  No, but when Kohl's hadn't scheduled me significantly for 3 weeks, I accepted the second job.  Then I went crazy.

Fast forward 3 months, past trials and turmoils that I will blog about later, and things are totally different again.  I am working 6am to 11:30 am at a local branch of a nationwide chain of daycare centers.  My job starts with filling bleach/water bottles and delivering breakfast to the rooms, then "floating" between rooms as they need me.  On the negative side, it's stinking early in the cold dark winter morning when I roll reluctantly out of bed and I don't see my kids in the mornings at all. On the positive side, The Alien is successfully getting the kids out of bed and off to school each day, I can still get chores and errands done before they get home, and I'm only paying half of my paycheck for someone to watch The Monkey while I'm there.

While I often get sent to spend a few minutes in a room where they are "over ratio" for a few minutes before a second teacher is scheduled to arrive, I am usually only in two rooms: one where intake happens for everyone age 3 and over, and a half-hour stint in the gym with the "school-agers" before they get on their buses and go to school.  Then at 9:30 I teach Spanish.  Yes, Spanish. No, I'm not a Spanish speaker.  Spanish story time at the library is a huge help--thanks, Sue-the-librarian!  The job was described as VERY early Spanish, "just one step more than Dora the Explorer".

It's amazing to me how much my attitude toward life has changed and how much it challenges me to be doing so much supervision and so little actual teaching.  I really miss having the opportunity to teach much actual curriculum-especially science!  On the other hand, it's been challenging and exciting to develop a curriculum from scratch, in such an unfamiliar subject, for such young students.  I am remembering amazing amounts of things long-buried in my head after so many years of teaching in a very multilingual school.  I love finding a new song to sing each week and the books to go with that theme, and getting to know the children. Teaching a new language in the far corner of the very noisy Exploratorium with the constant traffic, is to say the least, challenging.

I have taken steps toward renewing my teaching certificate, which will take a while, and hopefully getting an additional endorsement in the process to make it more likely I can teach public school again, but for now this is it.  Do I love it? No. Do I hate it? No.  Is it paying a couple of bills with limited sacrifice? Yes.  And so for now, this is the new deal!

Going to Goodwill for Great Stuff

I can't bring myself to use coupons.  For pizza delivery, or a buy-one, get-one at the shoe store, sure.  But the grocery store? Very rarely.  They give me anxiety.  Either I didn't clip the right one, or I didn't bring the right one, or I don't like that product better than the generic anyway, or I have to make an extra trip to a second store, or.....you get the idea.  Too many rules.  And don't even get me started on those people who do "extreme couponing".  That approaches a mental illness, in my opinion.  It's too much work!  Running to too many stores, on the right dates, buying insane quantities, being the "early bird" shopper or getting the limited-time-only deal is not on my agenda.

At the same time, we live frugal lives.  I have made a lot of financial and material sacrifices in order to be the stay-home mom I believe my kids need.  I don't shop much because it's hard for me to say "no" to a good deal if it's not in the budget.  If I don't have a list, I don't go to the store.  And if I do go, I try really hard to stick to the list.  We try to buy only what we need, not whatever looks good today or would be a fun thing to have.

I went to get the taxes done last year and had donation receipts from Goodwill to claim.  Our tax preparer shared a story about immigrating to the US as a child and his family starting over financially.  I believe his exact words about purchasing clothing at Goodwill were "and then I knew we were destitute."  I can sympathize with his feeling of radical change in circumstances, but for me shopping secondhand is a totally different experience.


I love to dress my kids in hand-me-downs, because while they look great, if they get painted on, or gluey, or messed up playing in the mud, it's not a financial hardship.  We can have a wider variety of styles, and a wider array of choices in the closet than I could find in the number of store trips I get before I run out of patience and money.  I get beautiful holiday dresses for my daughter at garage sales, for less than the price of dry cleaning one of them.  I use Freecycle and other recycling sites to find toys, clothes and books.  We use the library A LOT.  So it feels really neat to go go to Goodwill or a yard sale and find beautiful things, often brand-new things, at a guilt-free price.

Most notably:

• Black stretch wool, satin pinstriped slacks from The Limited, with $98 store price tag attached, $3.99.  After I shortened them, they are probably the best fitting, most comfortable slacks I've EVER owned.
• Plum suede, knee high,cuffed boots for my daughter, never worn and still tied together from original store, $3.99.Not practical enough to pay full price, but a real fashion trophy she will enjoy, and I will enjoy watching her wear!  These became part of her costume for Seussical, the Musical Jr.
• Chocolate brown microfiber velour couch, full-size and factory-new, $325.  A perfect match for our living room with the antique piano in the same deep brown!
• Plaid purple windbreaker for my daughter, Kohl's store tags attached, $3.99
• The exact same royal blue leather purse I drooled over at Kohl's, but didn't buy, unused with matching wallet still attached by manufaturer  for $4.99.  I smile every time I see it.  Perfect size, perfect color, and doesn't fall off my shoulder!
• A beautiful winter coat for Caveman, green and black with LOTS of pockets, like new, $4.99
• Gorgeous lime green silk blazer/blouse with chinese figures on it, with designer/manufacturer tags attached, $6.99 (that one I came back for twice-when it was still there on the 3rd visit I knew it was for me. It was in the Halloween costumes!)  Like the suede boots, something I thoroughly enjoy the uniqueness of without paying the price.
• Brand-new brown loafers one size up for Monkey-boy, $3.99 Church shoes are so easy to get there, they so seldom get worn out before they are outgrown-and that makes it hard to pay full price for them, too.
• Like-new black dress shoes for Caveman, $4.99 in the same trip.
•  Antique, teak desk (or maybe it is a buffet with out the hutch) in lovely condition, $12.99.  Made a perfect computer table for the two boys' gaming computers (for Christmas) and still looks pretty in the family room.
• Student desks for both of the big kids' bedrooms for homework, art/drawing, etc. $12.99 each.

I don't always find the department store overstock items, but when I do it's a score!

On a slightly different note, Flylady (look her up if you don't know who that is) published a letter she got once from a follower of her home organization method that made me a fan of donating to Goodwill (or Deseret Industries, St. Vincent De Paul etc. Goodwill is just closest here).  The general idea was that getting rid of your clutter was really important because having too many "things" holds you back from enjoying the things that are most important.  She said that holding on to "stuff" created chaos in your home and life and that giving up what you no longer need or use gives you freedom.  The points that hit home to me though were that holding on to things:

• prevents you from accepting new blessings into your life because you're "full" or "busy"
• prevents things that were once blessings to you, but are now not needed, from blessing someone else,  and
• can even be a sign of a lack of faith.  Faith that the Lord will provide you the new blessings that you need at the time that you need them.

Having personally seen this last part in action, I know that letting go of things you can't use, or don't use can be a great blessing.  And that the Lord does indeed help us find what we need, when we need it, if we ask.  

Repost from Flappinessis....

http://flappinessis.com/2011/12/28/dear-shopper-staring-at-my-child-having-a-meltdown-in-the-grocery-store/

I don't know the rules for reposting this, and hope I am not violating copyright.  I have purposely not copied the post itself, but directed through the URL in order to avoid that, but I was so impressed with the post I had to share.

If you are the parent of a special needs child, if you have ever looked askance at a child behaving "diferently" in public (and who hasn't?) you need to read this post!

Look Me In The Eye: What will the new DSM definition of autism mean to us?

Look Me In The Eye: What will the new DSM definition of autism mean to us?

I've Fallen Off the Face of the Earth......

Ok, that would be too convenient an excuse, wouldn't it?  I have NOT fallen off the face of the Earth.  I have NOT been kidnapped by pirates, aliens, or roving packs of wild apes, wolves, or hedgehogs/armadillos/fruitbats in disguise.  What I HAVE been doing is getting my family to and from an impromptu Idaho vacation including 3000 driving miles, a transmission repair in the middle of  Nowhere, Wyoming and some wonderful family time, friend time with Ange, and new mountain scenery (score!).  Getting ready for school to start on a shoestring budget, and everyone settled into a routine with three kids going to three different schools on three radically different schedules.  All of this while frequently (almost constantly) dizzy and fighting a wickedly persistent fatigue and gearing up for sinus surgery.

BUT.....The results of the long-awaited and much-anticipated sinus surgery (on the day before my birthday) are starting to show.  My nose is almost back to non-swollen normal proportions, and best of all, I AM NOT DIZZY ALL THE TIME ANYMORE!!!  Seriously, I feel better than I had in years.  I am in control of my own body again, I have the energy to pay attention to things and people again (not necessarily in that order).  I have actually still been awake at midnight not once, but TWICE this week, instead of being dragged in a half-congealed state upstairs to bed at 9pm because I'm too dizzy to get there on my own.  I am still tender and sore in there, and the stitches inside my left nostril are more than slightly annoying, but I feel like I have my life back.  I feel like I have my mind back.  I feel like I have my SELF back.  I can walk up the stairs without having to carefully place each foot.  I can bounce up the stairs like a kid.  I can go to the grocery store without running out of steam halfway through the produce section.  The children are beginning to stop watching for me to grab the wall and running to be my crutches.

Many thanks to those who have put up with my inconsistencies, never knowing if I would actually be in a condition to go to an evening event or activity. I am grateful for my visiting teachers who kept us fed while I was recuperating from the surgery.  Never ending gratitude to the Alien who held our family together and functioned as Breadwinner, Dad and more than half of Mom so many days.  Thanks to my kids who seldom complained when mom was too dizzy to do household tasks, take them fun places, or finish everything I'd promised.  Thanks to whomever introduced me to the concept of a "Yoyo Dinner" " (You're On Your Own-which works great when there are leftovers and sandwich-makings and everyone wants something different anyway).  Thank you to the Ear, Nose and Throat surgeon who listened when I said I didn't care if he was sure the surgery would fix the dizziness, I needed it done because I couldn't stand to hear one more doctor/specialist tell me their own special version of "There's nothing wrong with you, go home"  and I didn't want to live on my couch anymore. Thank you so much for all who prayed for me and cared about me and my family and drove me to events and places I would have missed otherwise without making a public spectacle of me.  And most of all, thank you, Lord for this marvelous blessing.

Sister Okazaki

I am reposting this from "Casa Camisas", because she said it all so well. I like her comments, and I too loved Sister Chieko .

One of my favorite people, Chieko Okazaki, passed away last week. I think I was 11 or 12 when she was in the general RS presidency, and used to get so excited when it was her turn to speak in LDS General Conferences -- her talks were always interesting, always engaging. I usually don't like trite online tributes to people who didn't really know me, but I came across a quotation from one of her talks (it's from a BYU devotional, years ago) and it touched me so much that I wanted to share. Sis. Okazaki was a person with a very strong personal relationship with Christ, and in this passage, she expounds on how women in particular can grow closer to Him:
"Well, my dear sisters, the gospel is the good news that can free us from guilt. We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means he knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer- how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced Napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.
Let me go further. There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion. His last recorded words to his disciples were, “And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” (Matthew 28:20) He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that. He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief."

A Brief List of "Do"s and "Don'ts" for a Successful Cub Scout Day Camp

Here are a few observations from our week (so far) of Cub Scout Day Camp here in the wild woods of the Illinois suburbs with the Caveman.

DO pack multiple sets of rain gear on a stormy day, just in case some kid in your den doesn't have any.
DON'T hand the only adult size set to a kid in another den whom  you won't see again for a week.  You will be soaked to the skin.  All day.  And also look like the only person in camp who wasn't prepared.

DO teach your child to read directions carefully.
DO your best to teach your child to keep his hands to himself.
DON'T forget to teach your child that an "epipen" is not a "pen".
DON'T (as a camp director) leave a "lost and found" epipen sitting on a table for two days in front of 350 cub scouts.  SOMEONE will follow the directions.
DO try not to laugh when the camp director calls you and tells you your kid just shot himself up with adrenaline because ......well, isn't it obvious?